24 Meaningless Happy Hours is a Whole Day Wasted
Lately, I’ve been extra considerate with the 24 hours I have in a day.
Less scrolling, more talking. Less screen time, more reading. Less sitting, more dancing.
And by paying a bit more attention to the time in my day, I began to question who I spend time with and how I go about doing so.
As a person who enjoys being social (to an extent), I always make time for friends. I care a lot about quality time and know that if someone wants to spend part of their 24 hours in a day with me, then we should make it happen.
But is the fact that someone wants to spend their time on me enough justification for me to spend my time on them?
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I have one friend that I’ll occasionally hop on a Zoom call with. We consider it a literal Happy Hour and each bring a drink to the hour-long conversation.
I was looking forward to the chat since it had been a while since we last spoke and it wasn’t easy to get on the calendar.
Thirty minutes into the conversation, I wondered what we had even covered so far. We floated on the surface about our own lives, but spent plenty of time gossiping about others. There was nothing tangible and meaningful for me to grasp onto in the conversation. Nothing that made me think “I really know this person better than I did an hour ago”.
And the realization made me reflect on our prior conversations. Did we do anything but gossip together?
What did that add to my life? What does this say about how our friendship can stay afloat long-term?
Now, I’m not arguing that you need a philosophical conversation with each person in your life in order for them to be worthwhile to interact with.
But I WILL argue that if someone does not add value to your life, does not encourage you to learn and think huh, I never thought of that before, or does not reciprocate your efforts into the relationship, you should know that you’re worth more than that. You’re worth more than sitting through meaningless conversations. You’re worth more than what that person is able to give.
24 meaningless Happy Hours is a whole day wasted.
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The cliché side of me wants to tell you “BUT you can find value in someone else”, but I won’t promise you that. I can’t tell the future, and how can we predict that what you need can be found elsewhere?
So, I’ll highlight what I do know. Everything you’d expect of a meaningful relationship (understanding, learning, empathy, growth, validation, acceptance etc), you can find in yourself first.
You can find it in the relationship between you and that voice in your head that is sometimes incredibly annoying but ultimately wants what’s best for you.
And when you find it in yourself, everyone else who provides it is simply a bonus, but not a necessity.
When meaningful relationships with others are secondhand to your meaningful relationship with yourself, there’s no need to leech onto others for external validation. You can’t blame anyone but yourself for your happiness. You begin to value what fuels and inspires you, and less-so what’s trending or impressive to others.
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For example, a co-worker of mine was making my life a living hell. I spent days sulking about it and my motivation dropped immensely in a short period of time.
But one day I considered I can’t control how this person treats me, but I can control how I react. I know that I am worth more than how this person treats me. I remembered my worth as a team member, got back to work, and stood up for myself in conversations. My co-worker didn’t change, but I did. Once I was in-tune with my goals and work, I couldn’t be bothered by their comments. They didn’t add value or assist with the progress of my work. Why should I let someone else’s words disrupt my own path?
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A meaningful relationship with yourself inspires all other valuable relationships in your life to flourish. And all invaluable ones to fade away.
And if relationships fade entirely from your life, how much value were they ever really adding?
